Love is not a feeling but a decision

A very good read.

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO..

These days I have been watching lot of videos on YouTube about Fashion & Make up ..

below are some of my favorites !!!

Deepak Chopra: 7 Things to Do When You`ve Been Betrayed

After being betrayed, most of us want two things, usually at the same time. We want to wound the person who hurt us—as deeply and as excruciatingly—as we've been wounded, and we want to rise above the situation and offer that person forgiveness. But neither of these tactics work. Wounding words tend to boomerang and make you feel as terrible as the person you wanted to hurt. Forgiveness, especially if halfhearted, tends to come off as condescension.

There are actions, though, that you can take to can heal yourself. Every hurt has its own story, and so does every healing. But we can say this: You can heal yourself when you've filled the hole left behind by a betrayal, and you can heal the other person when you sincerely drop the need for revenge.

Remember, the only betrayals that inflict damage are the ones where an intimate bond has been torn. Love makes you merge with another person, able to feel their emotions as keenly as you feel your own. If you have experienced such bonding, you know that it is a kind of higher reality—and when that bond is ripped apart, it's as if you've lost half of yourself.

So how can you get out of torment and find yourself again?

1. Gain some detachment. Stand back and view yourself as if you were the helper, not the victim.

2. Don't indulge in emotions you cannot afford. Don't act as if you’re feeling worse than you really are—or better.

3. Make a plan for emotional recovery. Look at where you hurt, feel wounded or see yourself as victimized, then set out to heal these areas. Don't rely simply on letting time do it for you.

4. Feel the hole inside and grieve over it—but promise yourself that you will fill it.

5. Seek a confidant who has survived the same betrayal and has come out on the other side.

6. Work toward a tomorrow that will be better than yesterday. Don't fixate on the past or what might have been.

7. Counter self-pity by being of service to someone else. Counter regret by seeking out activities that build your self-esteem.

It requires a good deal of objectivity to set about following such a program. Nothing is easier, of course, than doing the opposite, for example:

1. Dwelling obsessively on how you were wronged. Feeling exultant in our self-righteous pain.

2. Turning your pain into an ongoing drama.

3. Acting erratic and scattered, with no plan for getting better.

4. Mourning your loss forever. Not looking honestly at the hole inside yourself because it is too painful or you feel too weak.

5. Talking to the wrong people about your woes. Seeking out those who keep agreeing with you and amplifying our resentment by egging you on.

6. Idealizing the past. Obsessing over the good times that are gone.

7. Letting self-pity and regret dominate your state of mind. ' '

This kind of behavior only makes a betrayal linger. 

Paulo Celho - The Aleph

Remember the Aleph. Remember what you felt at that moment. The explanations and responses will not be sufficient. They will confuse you even more with that which is already so complex. Simply forgive me. - I do not know why I have to forgive the man I love. Hilal searches for inspiration on the golden walls, the columns, the people coming at this hour of the morning, the flames of the lit candles. - I forgive the girl I was, not because I want to become a saint but because I do not want to endure this hatred. This tiresome hatred. This was not what I expected.
- You may not forgive everyone and everything, but forgive me.
- I forgive everything and everyone. I forgive you because I love you and you do not love me. I forgive you because you reject me and I am losing my power. She closes her eyes and raises her hands towards the ceiling. - I am liberated from hatred by means of forgiveness and love. I understand that suffering, when it cannot be avoided, helps me to advance towards glory. Hilal speaks softly but the acoustics of the church are so perfect that everything she says seems to echo throughout the four corners. But my experience tells me that she is channelling the spirit of a child. The tears I shed, I forgive.
The suffering and disappointments, I forgive.
The betrayals and lies, I forgive.
The slandering and scheming, I forgive.
The hatred and persecution, I forgive.
The punches that were given, I forgive.
The shattered dreams, I forgive.
The dead hopes, I forgive.
The disaffection and jealousy, I forgive.
The indifference and ill will, I forgive.
The injustice in the name of justice, I forgive.
The anger and mistreatment, I forgive.
The neglect and oblivion, I forgive.
The world with all its evil, I forgive. She lowers her arms, opens her eyes and places her hands on her face.
I move closer to kiss her, but she makes a signal with her hands.
- I have not finished yet.
She closes her eyes and looks up. Grief and resentment, I replace with understanding and agreement.
Revolt, I replace with music that comes from my violin.
Pain I replace with oblivion.
Revenge, I replace with victory. I will be able to love above all discontentment.
To give even when I am stripped of everything.
To work happily even when I find myself in the midst of all obstacles.
To dry tears even when I am still crying.
To believe even when I am discredited. She opens her eyes, puts her hands on my head and says with an authority that comes from above: - Thy will be done. Thy will be done.
From the book of Paulo Celho - The Aleph

My Learnings !!!

I've learned that most of the things I worry about never happen,
I've learned that every great achievement was once considered impossible.
I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
I've learned that I should make the little decisions with my head and big decisions with my heart.
I've learned that to love and be loved is the greatest joy in the world.
I've learned that if there were no problems there would be no opportunities.
I've learned that it doesn't cost anything to be nice.
I've learned that the important thing is not what others think of me but what I think of me.
I've learned that in every face-to-face encounter regardless of how brief we leave something behind.
I've learned that regardless of color or age, we all need about the same amount of love.
I've learned that you should keep you promises no matter what.
I've learned that education, experience and memories are three things that no one can take away from you.
I've learned that the simple things are often the most satisfying.
I've learned that if you laugh and drink soda pop at the same time, it will come out your nose.
I've learned that children are the best teachers of creativity, persistence and unconditional love.
I've learned that successful living is like playing a violin. It must be practiced daily.
I've learned that a sunroof is worth the extra cost.
I've learned that happiness is like perfume, you can't give it away without getting a little on yourself..
I've learned to not spend my time with the people who demotivate me,(Advice from me:try to be withe the people who can give you positive energy) ,
I've learned to do what I want to do,(Advice from me :dont worry abt others ,or their feelings.....)
I've learned to love others without demanding anything in return!!!!
I've learned to explore the joy,passion and adventure that life can give me..
I've learned to be honest with others,never mind how they behave..
I've learned that if you smile at people, they will almost always smile back.
I've learned that goldfish don't like jell-o.
I've learned that you shouldn't expect life's very best if you are not giving it your very best.
I've learned never to underestimate the potential and power of human spirit.
I've learned to be very diplomatic and shrewd..
I've learned to Dont try to help anybody,in anyways ... (if we expect anything in return or not, we will get upset with that person).
I've learned to Cultivate hobbies...(because it will teach you a lot that u never learnt),
I've learned to read more books bcoz,the world could be explained in books...
I've learned I still have a lot to learn. :):)

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Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

Learning Photography!!!

I started learning photography recently.I had taken some pictures when I travelled to Kerala. I have already uploaded it in the Flickr too.I need to learn lot of things.I know it is not an easy thing.
Here are some of them;